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| Tonight has been one of, if not the, best night of my life.
It started with fun Mario Kart with the roomies. Switched over to Caitlin’s where I danced with all my favorites. When I was standing on the platform at Belmont waiting to go home I ran into Veronique and Jenny, and simultaneously got a text from Colin that said
“Berlin (a club 20 feet away from where I was standing) is spinning Bjork all night long”
of course we headed down and I was treated to the most amazing experience of my life. I have only, in my wildest dreams, thought about a Bjork dance party. The club was full of incredibly attractive Bjork fans, all screeching along to her greatest hits. I am so serious when I type this, dancing to the dance remix version of Pagan Poetry was one of the happiest moments of my life. I cannot think of a time when more perfect things combined, dancing to Bjork was so fun I am left completely speechless.
After that ended Colin and I rode back, paling around the entire time. Then I went to a dance party on the 12th floor where I re-met some old acquaintances and danced some more. Now it’s off to bed before my 11 final (Saturday final!) but I’m feeling good because:
A. Self control has led to sobriety, which means no hangover tomorrow and…
B. I just got two big fat A’s in Chinese and my Internship, both of which had been worrying me.
So, on that note, I curl up with some macaroni and cheese and say buenas noches to one of the best nights of my life.
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| Talk about your intense social situations. Walking into lasts night’s party I realized that every person I had been romantically linked to in any way this year was standing in the same room. It was the perfect end-of-the-semester review of my social life. Admittedly, it had all the ingredients for an awkward nightmare, but alcohol has a way of making anything fun. The meaningful glances, light elbow touches and innuendos were almost entirely out of control right when that Golden Goddess spilled beer on my pants, which proved to be the necessary icebreaker. My only regret is that I sexily winked at someone, a skill I should only employ in the interest of comedy.
That semester review has given way to academic reviews, and finals have once again convinced me that my life is about to end. I love finals week because my schedule is refreshingly different, and each passing day makes me feel more accomplished, but studying just sucks.
I’ve hit the point where more review is pointless, and the best thing I can do is get a good nights sleep, which is exactly what I intend to do.
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| For someone so in love with Buddhist spirituality, you would think I’d be better at navigating change.
Actually, the change itself is never the problem; it’s all the flux and flow of emotions that happen before the change that always get me. I need to remind myself that the semester ending, changing relationships and moving out of the country all have repercussions both before and after the change itself happens.
This past weekend was fantastic (a full 21ist birthday update will follow soon), but it has also been the first time in my life that emotions made me physically sick. I made the mistake of watching Brokeback Mountain last night. I wish that I could describe the way that this movie grabs me without sounding like one of the thousands of “Brokebackers” that I always role my eyes at. I think it’s really summed up in the films tag line, “Love is a Force of Nature”. The movie so perfectly captures the way that love is natural, both perfectly beautiful and potentially fatal. I still haven’t found the way to describe how homosexual male attraction strikes at something that I consider absolutely fundamental to human interaction, or how this movie perfectly expresses the need for that kind of connection, but that is the thing that always gets me. It’s just so powerful I feel like someone has taken all my deepest emotions and made them explode out of my face (via my eyeballs). Watching it isn’t cathartic like Dancer in the Dark or Monster, it strikes too close to home to be anything except horribly, terribly sad.
Regardless, the film gave me the worst night of pseudo-nightmares I have ever had. I spent 6 hours tossing and turning, with dreams and reality blending in that horrible yet interesting way I have become accustomed to as of late. I don’t mind having nightmares because they are usually fascinating and really cinematic, but this night was different and it prevented me from getting any sleep at all. I think as I approach May 1 (the day I receive notification re: my scholarship) my dreams are getting crazier. Normally I welcome lucid and interesting dreams, but it is almost out of control.
The next day (today) Katie, Cathy and I all skipped class and went to Orange for brunch. It was a blast, and the food was wonderful, but I spent the rest of the afternoon with the worst cramps / vomiting I have had in a while. I felt like I was vomiting up pure frustration. It was the strangest and most interesting feeling, like my emotional state was directly connected to the functions of my body. I imagine some people spend their entire lives like this, but it was something new to me. Maybe it was just something I ate, or a little stomach bug, but I much prefer to think it was a Marquez/Murakami – esque reaction.
Now I’m finally gearing up for a good night’s sleep. Caitlin gave me Myra Breckinridge, which I am falling deeply in love with, and I have the feeling that tomorrow will see a refreshed, re-stabilized and re-centered Tim.
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